Here we are in the middle of the holiday season.  A time of parties, eating, presents, eating, family and eating. 

Why is that?  Why do we equate having a good time with eating?  I’m not against it mind you, it’s just curious.

Last time we spoke I weighed around 163, my last official noting was 160.5.  This morning I am 158.  Yesterday I was 157.5. Over the last month and a half I got down to as low as 156 and as high as 165.

Also since the last we spoke my house has gone in to foreclosure, my husband found out I have charged all our credit cards really high paying bills we didn’t have ‘real’ money to pay, he threatened divorce, we are looking in to bankruptcy and now I am looking for a job.  Great time for it huh?  Thanks banking industry!

Due to this downturn in my life I have been depressed and anxious, I have stopped eating more than a little dinner for a few days at a time.  Only eating when HE was looking as to not catch more shit.  On my good days I do eat, but not as much.  I think I can honestly say that most of my weight that I have lost this past year is due to stress and anxiety.  I HAVE been eating less portion wise and trying to make better decisions, but I am just not eating most days.

I have been deemed too irresponsible to keep my debit card in my possession so I can no longer stop off at McD’s or wherever anymore.  I am also not responsible enough to go grocery shopping by myself, so we shop together as a family and he scrutinizes everything we buy and I don’t buy junk.  I don’t go anywhere anymore either, only leaving the house to take The Girl to and from school most weeks; so that keeps me from eating out as well.

As you can imagine, I am getting a good deal of positive feedback from people who have not seen me for a while.  It makes me feel really good about myself.  Which is good, but not good because I really am not doing it the right way.

That’s where I am right now.  Probably setting myself up for a full blown eating disorder.