A mere 19 days ago Big Daddy gave up potatoes for lent*.  I joined him in the tater free penance and added SUGAR for my own measure.

I thought I would lose TONS of weight.

Yea, still hovering around 159.

I initially wanted to do a full bore sugar fast, but that is hard.  And a little crazy for me.  So I just said no candy, cookies, other sweets, and COKES.

I never realized just how many times a week we eat potatoes until we weren’t.  pork chops= scalloped; meatloaf= mashed; roast beef or chicken = roasted; burgers, brats, beef dips or Italian sausage= fries; steaks= baked; go out to breakfast= home fries/hash browns.  Not to mention the occasional potato chip with lunch.

I also never realized how much of a sweet tooth I actually have.  I KNOW I have a thing about ice cream and Snicker bars, but I never knew I would miss eating sweets so much.  Maybe it’s just knowing I can’t have it, but I am having a hard time.  I have slipped a few times.  Who in their right mind gives up sugar during Peeps season?

One side effect of my Lenten sacrifice is that I am not eating fast food.  Who wants to go to McDonald’s and not have a coke and/or fries?  Don’t say ’salad’- that’s just silly.

However, I am drinking more beer than usual.  Simply because life just sucks.

I think I am going to make my no Cokes (regular and diet)  ’lifestyle’ permanent though.  There’s really nothing good about either of them anyways and I don’t miss it as much as I thought I would.

Maybe I should just give up carbs all together.

Ok, now that’s  just more crazy talk.

*I’m not Catholic, but I play one on TV.

So… the one year anniversary of beginning my Eat Less of Better Things and Exercise More plan is here. 

I can’t seem to find my measuring tape again,(seems to be a reoccurring theme around this place.) but I am looking, so when I find it I will update my measurements.  Then again, they probably shouldn’t be much different than this last time.

• Weight:  159.5
• BMI: 25.7 almost out of the ‘overweight’ bracket

Pictures!

 

This year I chose not to take them in my underwear and am instead wearing a bikini I have been hanging on to for 12 years.  The top actually doesn’t look so bad.  The rest? Not so much.

Overall I can say it was not a complete success. I know have lost 32 pounds, and a bunch of inches.  But as I have written, I did not eat healthy, rarely truly exercised other than taking walks to the store or library.  The positive feedback I have received from my new self is feeding  the not eating.  I look good, I must be doing it right.  The only positive about not eating is that when I do eat I cannot physically eat as much as I used to, I get fuller faster on less.

I wish I hadn’t deleted the pictures I took  last year, I would love to compare them to now and see the difference.  I don’t take many pictures as I don’t like how heavy I look in them so I have nothing to compare.  Although, Someone did give my Mom a picture of us girls from Christmas 2007 this Christmas and just my face looked HUGE.  I have always had a chubby face and a little double chin, but I looked horrible.

I don’t want to beat myself up. I did lose weight. I NEVER keep this (or any) resolution without paying for help (Jenny or WW) so I have that going for me.  However, I do have more weight to lose or just firm up; it’s the start of a new year and I have a whole new fresh start.

First off, I am back down to 156. Yippie!  Don’t think I am going to make my 150 by the end of the year mini-goal.  But big deal, when you’re facing homelessness your weight tends not to be a huge worry.

So, I have this Victoria’s Secret cotton racer-back snap-front bra that has been in my undies drawer forever.  It is a 36C, I am sure I bought it back when I WAS a 36C, but it never really fit back then because it doesn’t have the 3 rows of clasps- you know so that you can hook it on the outermost ones and fool yourself that I you still wear a 36C.  I tried it on this morning and it is a little tight and my cups runneth over a little, but I wasn’t terribly uncomfortable and I didn’t have that back fat overflow you get when your bra is obviously too small. 

I am currently in a 38C and am finding that it’s getting a tiny bit loose around the ribcage when on the innermost clasps (especially when I am on day 3-4 of wearing the same bra).  I read somewhere that your bra should fit best on the middle clasp that way you can go in or out on the clasps when your weight fluctuates.

Anyways, I was pontificating on the question of whether I will need to go to a 36D or down to a 38B.  Obviously the D sounds great. 

I have a hard time buying bras.  The newer styles just don’t work  well with the shape of my boobies so I buy them on-line from Victoria’s Secret because my mall store  doesn’t sell the ones I wear any more.  Plus when you find something that works without fail you keep it. 

However, since I JUST ordered some new ones not to long ago I will continue to wear them until they are unsightly.  I do still have my OG Wonder Bra from 12 years ago so that’s always an option.

Here we are in the middle of the holiday season.  A time of parties, eating, presents, eating, family and eating. 

Why is that?  Why do we equate having a good time with eating?  I’m not against it mind you, it’s just curious.

Last time we spoke I weighed around 163, my last official noting was 160.5.  This morning I am 158.  Yesterday I was 157.5. Over the last month and a half I got down to as low as 156 and as high as 165.

Also since the last we spoke my house has gone in to foreclosure, my husband found out I have charged all our credit cards really high paying bills we didn’t have ‘real’ money to pay, he threatened divorce, we are looking in to bankruptcy and now I am looking for a job.  Great time for it huh?  Thanks banking industry!

Due to this downturn in my life I have been depressed and anxious, I have stopped eating more than a little dinner for a few days at a time.  Only eating when HE was looking as to not catch more shit.  On my good days I do eat, but not as much.  I think I can honestly say that most of my weight that I have lost this past year is due to stress and anxiety.  I HAVE been eating less portion wise and trying to make better decisions, but I am just not eating most days.

I have been deemed too irresponsible to keep my debit card in my possession so I can no longer stop off at McD’s or wherever anymore.  I am also not responsible enough to go grocery shopping by myself, so we shop together as a family and he scrutinizes everything we buy and I don’t buy junk.  I don’t go anywhere anymore either, only leaving the house to take The Girl to and from school most weeks; so that keeps me from eating out as well.

As you can imagine, I am getting a good deal of positive feedback from people who have not seen me for a while.  It makes me feel really good about myself.  Which is good, but not good because I really am not doing it the right way.

That’s where I am right now.  Probably setting myself up for a full blown eating disorder.

I have gained a few pounds in the last couple days… because I actually have eaten.  Today is my 10th wedding anniversary and we went out for yummy Mexican food last night.  And Baskin Robbins, because I ALWAYS have to have ice cream after Mexican food.  I ate soo much last night that I didn’t even finish my whole scoop, which is blasphemous for me to even say.

I have refrained from posting what I ultimately wish to weigh because I don’t have a number firm in my head.  I told myself that when I am there I will know.  It will be a place where I feel good in my own skin and feel like I look good from the outside as well.  But that’s a hard goal to wrap your head around, people like numbers.  There’s not a magical number to reach, so I try to make mini-goals of like 5-10 pounds.

According to Weight Watchers, (I don’t feel like linking today sorry) my ‘ideal’ weight range is 124-155, the lower number for small frame the larger; larger frame, obviously.  Other charts say close to the same thing, and some adjust accordingly for age as well.

A formula I found once is the standard I choose to follow.  It is easy to remember and doesn’t require charts and graphs.  For women: 100 pounds for 5 feet tall and 5 pounds for every inch. (105 for men)  That would make a realistic target for me of 135 pounds.  However, with my Chubby Hubby 150 would be WAY too thin for him.

I have had the goal weight of 140 in the back of mind, mostly because like I said in the beginning of this post; if 150 feels good: I’m there.  Conversely if 140 doesn’t feel good, there’s always 130.  Now that I am in the low 160’s it doesn’t seem too far off or unattainable. When I started out and was in the mid to high 190’s it seemed impossible. 

I keep that 140 out of my consciousness because even though it’s 20ish pounds, for now 5 pounds at a time is not as scary, it is easier to visualize, easier to control.  If I have it in my head that I HAVE to get to 140, 135, 130 whatever, then this 2-3 pound fluctuation would send me into a tailspin and I would quit.

So, here we are in October.  My anniversary is on Friday, didn’t make my mini goal but so what!

Where I am at Today:

• Weight 160.5. 5# since last months report.
• BMI 25.9 (still ‘overweight’ but very close to ‘normal’ which is 25)

I weighed 163 when I conceived the girl 7 years ago, so I have bypassed where I was at the end of JennyGate #2.  I weigh what I did at the start of JennyGate #1 and like I said previous, I am much flabbier so I don’t even look like I did back then.  But shit it was 13 years and 2 babies ago.  However, I did wear a pair of size 12 shorts yesterday.  Granted they were Gloria Vanderbilt 12’s and her stuff is a little more generous, I bought them so long ago I don’t remember when and I have never worn them, but still Go ME!  I started the year a 18/20 and now I am squarely a 14.

To be the magic 25 BMI I need to weigh 155.  I try not to pay attention to that, but it’s hard.  I am a product of the body loathing culture.

I don’t think I should feel that good about my weight loss though as it is not due to good eating habits and exercise, but rather not eating due to stress and anxiety.  This is setting me up on a dangerous path.  I deny myself food sometimes even if I am hungry because I am getting positive results and feedback.  I know I have to eat, so I only eat dinner because The Hubby is there, but I eat less than I usually do (which isn’t a bad thing really).

Next mini-goal: 150 by Halloween Thanksgiving.

I meant to do this on Monday the First, but 2 days isn’t that big of a deal right?

• Weight 165.5
• Bust: 36″ (ribcage) 41″ (over Boobs)
• Waist: 37.5″
• Abdomen: 43″
• Hips: 42″
• B.M.I. 26.7 (overweight) When I hit my goal of 150 I will be in the “Normal Weight” range.

Compare that to January 1st, 2008:

Weight 191.5 (-26#)
BMI 30.9 (Obese) (-4.2 pts)
Waist: 40″ (-2.5″)
Bust: 42″ (over the boobs) 39″ (ribcage) (-1″ & -3″)
Hips: 45″ (-3″)
Abdomen: 47.5″  (-4.5″!!!!)

That’s an average 2.8″ lost all over!! [I guess is how you figure it.]

Pretty good when you look at it like that.

So the last time I weighed myself I weighed 168.5.  Pretty good for not exercising for almost 8 months.  But being broke and not wanting to spend any money has curbed my fast food addiction and love affair with Ben and Jerry’s.  Plus the major freak out anxiety attack I had in April when The Hubby got really high and the next morning was called in to do a random drug test.  We had a huge fight about lots of stuff, ultimatums were made and I didn’t eat for a while.

Even though I have lost more weight since the last time I posted, the thing that is pissing me off is that I weigh less than I did when I got married but I look WAY fatter.  That’s what 10 years and 2 big chubby c-section babies do to you I guess.

While I am not back on the wagon quite yet I am running after it and ready to jump back on when The Girl starts FIRST GRADE IN TWO WEEKS.  Time to get back to work.

new goal: to be 150 by our anniversary in October.

I have not been in the mood to do anything about my weight the past few months.  I have been severely depressed and eating crap.  Right at this moment a pint of Cherry Garcia is SCREAMING my name from deep inside my freezer.  I have continued to weigh myself once a week and have not gained or lost; just stagnated.

I am going to try to get back on track when I get back from SickLand.  I can barely speak one sentence without getting winded, let alone walk a mile on my treadmill. 

If anyone has been checking in during my hiatus, keep checking back.  Even if I don’t get back on my plan right away I am going to try to post more. Rant.  Whatever.

At RiteAid:

I can’t believe they are still using her image.  The box looked as if it had been there a while.  I should have bought it- might be a collectors item.  Maybe taking this in combination with all the other drugs/boooze helped do her in.  (sorry the picture is a little blurry, took it with my cellphone.)

In my mailbox:  A postcard inviting me to participate in this study: www.empowerstudy.com  Who told them I was chubby?  Did you?  Did Jenny or Weight Watchers rat me out?

I don’t qualify anyways, but it seems kind of scary if you ask me.